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How To Stop Being Dependent On Others For Your Happiness

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People often get confused about what over dependency really is. It is perfectly natural and healthy to want to be in a loving relationship with someone. You are dependent on their love and they are dependent on theirs.

There are a lot of couples where one of the partners works to earn money while the other stays at home and takes care of the children. This is fine too as long as both partners have an equal say in the relationship and a level of independence to pursue their own goals and dreams.

What is not healthy is being overly dependent on someone, or even a group of people, for your happiness and contentment. If you feel obliged to spend all of your time and energy making someone else happy so that you can be happy then this is not a healthy situation.

A lot of people in this situation become obsessed about the thoughts that others have of them. They are constantly trying to please another person in order to have peace of mind. Before long this can really spiral out of control and you can find yourself overly dependent on another individual.

So if you are in this situation just how do you get out of it? Well you can get out of it but it will take some time and effort on your part. Here are some recommended ways that you can use to gradually free yourself from over dependence.

Improve your Self Worth

Depending on others for your happiness is usually a sign that a person’s self worth is very low. Nobody should have to be dependent on someone else to feel happy and alive. By increasing your self worth you will gradually alleviate the need for this dependency.

Think about what you have achieved in your life so far so that you can identify your strengths. People with low self worth often say that they do not have any strengths but this is not true at all.

If you are influenced too much by what others think then you may have even developed skills just to please them. These skills do nothing for your self worth or independence. So think about what you have achieved for you in your life and reflect on these to give you a boost.

Look for Happiness within rather than outside

A lot of people are conditioned to believe that they can only be happy if they only have certain things around them – which includes people. For some, having a lot of possessions is the key to happiness.

But all of these things are really doing is filling a hole in your life. It is better to look for happiness within yourself. That way if you lost everything tomorrow you can still be happy. Consider meditation as an effective way to do this.

Be at ease with yourself

How do you feel about spending time alone? Does this make you uncomfortable? Everyone should be at ease spending time alone. If you have a problem with this then you need to deliberately find ways to be on your own and become more comfortable with this.

Take Responsibility for your Life

To lessen your dependency on others you need to take responsibility for your life. Tell yourself that you are responsible for your happiness and how your life will pan out in the future. Set yourself some goals and do things your way.

How To Set Personal Boundaries To Lessen Your Dependence On Others

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Do you spend a large amount of your time trying to please others? Do you think that this is the only way that can make yourself happy? If you do then it is time for you to change. The most effective way to do this is to set up personal boundaries so that you can lessen your dependence on other people to be truly happy.

Without any boundaries in place other people will believe that they can treat you just how they want to. A boundary is really just a set of rules that you live by and others have to abide by in their dealings with you.

When you set up effective personal boundaries you are on your way to establishing healthier relationships with other people as well as yourself. Each of your boundaries specify what you will permit in your life and what you will not.

With each boundary you create there can be physical or emotional components or both. Think about your boundaries of the start of your independence and your safety net. Once you have decided what your boundaries will be you need to tell others what they are. If someone then tries to violate one of your boundaries you need to let them know they have done this.

So here we will take a look at some of the most effective personal boundaries that you can establish.

Setting Boundaries is not a Selfish Act

Before we get into the specific boundaries you can set we want you to realize that this is not a selfish act. This will be healthy for you and it can be good for those around you too. When you set boundaries you are telling others how you see a healthy relationship working. It doesn’t mean that you want people out of your life for good.

Start with Small Boundaries first

If people have been walking all over you for a long time to get what they want it will be a major shock for them that you are going to introduce boundaries. So it is best to make some small changes to begin with on your journey to independence and freedom.

Perhaps you have a full calendar of appointments and tasks that are all based around helping others. A good first step could be to get rid of some of these commitments so that you can have more time for yourself. Be prepared for some resistance here but persevere with it. In time people will get the message.

Be Realistic

We absolutely encourage you to set goals for yourself to improve your life and lessen your dependency on others. But we ask that you are realistic about this in terms of the time that you have available.

If you want to learn a new skill and you need to attend school to do this is this a practical solution for you? You can certainly cut out some of your commitments to free up more time but if you have young children is it practical for you to attend school? Find a practical solution and go for it.

Create a Speaking Out boundary

Do you speak your mind? Most people that are at the beck and call of others a lot do not do this. Since they were a child they have been told to put the needs of others first and not to question anything. But sometimes things get too much and you have to speak out.

This is not going to be an easy one for you at first if you are not used to speaking out but persist with it anyway. Learn how to be more assertive rather than antagonistic. With any boundary you set it is important to stick by it no matter how uncomfortable it gets.

How To Love Yourself More When You Worry About What Others Think

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How do you feel about the concept of self love? Some will think that this is narcissistic and a very selfish act. But the truth is that it isn’t. What self love really is about is having a high opinion of yourself and be able to feel happy whenever you want.

If you worry about what other people think about you too much you can become overly dependent on them to give you permission to be happy. This is not where you want to be. In this situation you have very little self love and can only be happy when others tell you that you have done something right or that you deserve it.

It is important that you work on your self love so that you can be more independent from others. There is an old saying along the lines of “you need to love yourself first before you can truly love someone else”. This is very true so in this article we will give you some powerful techniques to improve your self love.

Change your Beliefs

If you are letting other people control your life then you will probably have beliefs that are driving you to do this. Each time that you act on these beliefs you will strengthen them. The good news is that you can change these beliefs and replace them with empowering beliefs that will increase your self love and your independence.

This all starts by identifying the beliefs that are causing the dependency. Get a pen and paper and write down the thoughts that you have which drive you to require approval from others all of the time. Once you have established these beliefs you can use techniques to slowly eradicate them and replace them with more positive beliefs.

Create Empowering Affirmations

If you don’t use positive affirmations then it is time to start today. Write a list of positive things about yourself so that you can say them out loud or in your head at least once a day. Imagine if someone was complimenting you. What would they say?

Write all of these down and create an affirmations list. You will need to carry these around with you all of the time because they can be a great way to give you a self love boost if you are feeling down. We recommend that you read your affirmations twice a day, once in the morning and once at night.

Neutralize Negative Self Talk

Do you experience a lot of negative thoughts about yourself on a regular basis? We all have self talk going on in our heads and if this is largely negative then your self love will be down in the dumps. You need to take control of these negative self thoughts in order to improve your self love.

Each time you experience a negative thought neutralize it with a positive one. So for example if the thought is “you cannot make a decision for yourself” neutralize this with “I am a powerful decision maker and always make the best decisions”.

Show Gratitude Regularly

How grateful are you for the things that you have in your life? We are not just talking about possessions here but other things such as the love of your family and your health. Start being grateful each day for what you have.

Write down each day three things that you are grateful for and read them and think about how they make you feel. It doesn’t matter what these things are. You could be grateful for that mundane job that puts food on your table. Or just be grateful for being alive another day.

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